The test is over, now for a new book…

I guess you can call me a snob for wordpress. I have a blog over at “that other site,” but I decided to come back to my original blog, because I love wordpress so much and because Ability in Abundance already has so much of me in it. I know I will be sporadic in posting, as I am in most things, but I want to keep writing, and I think this will be the best place to do that.

As some of you know, I took the Certified Rehabilitation Counseling Exam on Friday. I am terrified to see how I did, it can honestly go either way. It was definitely the most random conglomeration of questions I have ever come in contact with. I hope that I will get the big envelope from the CRC in mid-May, but we shall see.

On Thursday, the day before the test, my aunt and I went to Barnes and Noble, because she was interesting in purchasing a Nook. Of course, I happily obliged in going with her to get it. As she was muling over purchasing either the original Nook or the Nook Color, I was taking in the wonder that is Barnes and Noble. I absolutely love that store, even when I was small and called it “Books” and Nobel, I still understood its magic. It is the combination of coffee smells, and new book smells, and people in search of knowledge that makes me really happy. After my aunt made her purchase (which ended up being the Nook Color) we went home for me to prepare for my big exam.

Fast forward to Saturday…the exam is over, my aunt needs Wi-Fi, and Foundations of Rehabilitation Counseling and Work and Disability are not on my reading list anymore. This means we go back to B&N.

This brings me to a conversation I have had with many people…E-book reader vs. regular books. It can stir up quite a debate among my friends and family. Naturally, me being the peacemaker in all things, I can go either way. I love Barnes and Nobel, book sections of Goodwill, used bookstores, Amazon.com, and on and on. But, I am quite fond of my original Nook. The truth is, I will never quit buying traditional books. I am too attached to them. I like the ability to hold something in my hands full of information or a brand new world to discover. On the other hand, I love the portability of my Nook. I love that I can buy a book that I am not sure that I will like for a cheaper price. I love that I don’t have to lug 5 books on a vacation because I don’t know which one I will be in the mood to read.

My rule of thumb for having a Nook is, I will by the ebook, and if I fall in love with it, I will buy the physical book form. Case and point An Un Quiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison. A FABULOUS, HAUNTING, FASCINATING, book for all you psychology nerds out there.

2011
03/06
CATEGORY
books
life
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Social media will never make me an extrovert, but it helps me be a great introvert

I have recently read several posts that claim social media has made them more extroverted even though they are introverted. I thought I disagreed when I read the posts, but I wasn’t quite sure. It has been my experience that social media has helped me be more me. I have done some research and coupled with my own experience as what I would consider a textbook introvert, this is my response. I must give props to Marti Olsen Laney and her book The Introvert Advantage, it has literally changed the way I think about myself.

Introverts (what we are and what we are not)

Introverts are (usually):

  • People who get their energy from inside themselves. They are energized by quiet, times of solitude, or spending time with a really close friend.
  • People who like depth rather than breadth. They have few friends, but they are close friends. They may not know a little about a lot of different things, but they know a whole heck of a lot about a few things.
  • People who tend to be the listeners in conversation, until you start talking their language (meaning those “depth” things) then they can talk your face off.
  • People who don’t like to feel rushed.
  • People who tend to think a lot before they speak.
  • People who while in groups, rarely speak up, but when they do, it is either something monumentally profound or doesn’t really make a lot of sense.
  • People who are calm and tend to go with the flow.

Introverts are not (usually):

  • Psychopaths (what Freud tended to think)
  • Painfully shy
  • People who seem to know everybody and consider all of them friends. (This would be more characteristic of an extrovert.) This is one way that facebook makes us seem more extroverted.
  • People who like to “try everything once” and are bored with sameness. (extrovert characteristic)
  • People who love and are typically good at small talk.  (extrovert characteristic)
  • People who think or act without the need to think things through first. (extrovert characteristic)
  • People who are energized by activity and are eager for more even after something stimulating (extrovert characteristic)

Why social media makes me more introverted

  1. My best conversations/discussions take place on-line. I have thought this for quite some time and have been almost ashamed by it. I felt nerdy and a little pathetic that I have better conversation and discussion sitting in front of a computer screen pecking away at the keys than I do face to face. I love face-to-conversation, but I tend to get a whole lot more out a g-chat conversation. It made no sense until I understood introversion. I like to think before I speak and I seem to be able to get my point across so much better by writing something than speaking something. From what I have read, this is textbook introversion. I sometimes have a lot of good things to say, but in face-to-face conversation, the fantastic explanation I have floating around in my brain never quite makes it out of my mouth. But if you give me a keyboard, my thoughts tend to flow more naturally. Hello G-chat (or facebook chat if it works.)
  2. I have something to say, but it may come a few hours or days later. That fantastic comeback, great piece of advice, of even the person’s name you asked me if I knew, will come, but it is never instantly. This one of the most, if not the most frustrating part of my personality (or that is usually how I feel.) It is also another characteristic of introversion. With social media sites like facebook and twitter, it is easier to hold off on replying to that thread, giving advice via message, or replying to that tweet until I have my thoughts together. I usually end up sounding a lot more together, just because I have been given time to process my responses.
  3. My inner thoughts get a voice. The thing about being introverted is that sometimes people don’t really know me. When some people hear my opinion, read something I write, or laugh at something I say, they tend to be almost surprised. (This again, is introversion.) Social media sites like facebook and twitter give the opportunity for me to give these inner thoughts, opinions, and funny comments a voice. I cannot tell you how many times people I have known for years tell me that they had no idea how funny or opinionated I really was, until facebook.

Three cheers for introverts! There is nothing wrong with trying to implement more extroverted (or introverted) characteristics in your life, but why not celebrate who you really are and let social media help?

Are you introverted or extroverted? Does social media enhance this part of your personality?

2010
03/19
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personality
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The best flight is by the seat of your pants

photo from http://www.surfersparasail.com

Be prepared.

Not only is it a motto of the Boy Scouts of America, the state of preparation is where a lot of people live and God bless them. Sometimes, I just don’t work that way. Being  an INFP, I tend to find ways to go with the flow. I am not saying this should be done in every situation, but  through my experience leading small groups, I have found that shooting from the hip can be advantageous.

Phrases.org tells me that to fly by the seat of one’s pants means:

To decide a course of action as you go along, using your own initiative and perceptions rather than a pre-determined plan or mechanical aids.

What happens when we fly by the seat of our pants? Here are some things I have noticed about myself:

  • It stops being about me. This is a pretty big one. When I am super prepared for a group discussion, meaning not only have I read extensively about the topic, I have questions and possible answers written down, I tend to use them. At some point, the discussion stops being about what other people think and it starts being about me. That is typically not what I want.
  • I tend to be more keenly aware of what is going on and being said. I find myself listening more attentively and am more aware of what is going on, most likely to compensate for not feeling super prepared. This is helpful because not only am I hearing things I may not have otherwise heard, I am picking up on body language as well.
  • It is a chance to think on my feet. This can (and has) turned out miserably. Overall though, it has also helped my realize my ability to improvise and to think and act beyond just copying or rephrasing something I read during preparation. And like the definition says, it forces me to use my own initiative and perceptions.
  • It can let things go in a different direction. When I don’t have every single detail meticulously mapped out, things don’t usually go as planned or like I thought they would or should. Sometimes this is the best thing that could happen. It brings out new possibilities, opportunities, and issues to be discussed.
  • It gives the opportunity to say ‘I don’t know’. There is so much power in not knowing and even more power in admitting when I don’t know something (which happens to be a great idea for a future post). We live in a world where it is usually considered a negative thing to not know the answer, but in my experience, not knowing can be truly powerful. This is one of the most difficult things about group discussion and also about shooting from the hip. There are times when I will not know the answer…and that is okay.  Early on in my group discussion work, and still today, I find myself gripped with fear that there will be something I have no idea how to answer. I have found that admitting I don’t know not only takes the focus off of me (see a pattern here?), it gives an opportunity for others to impart their own wisdom and understanding to the situation. And at some point, I may begin to learn something.
  • And maybe I’m an adrenaline junkie. Sure I don’t look like the skydiver, swimming with the sharks kind of girl, but there is something about not knowing exactly what is going to happen or if I am going to sink or swim that is exciting and addicting.

How do you fly? Have you taken a trip by the seat of your pants lately? How did it turn out?

2010
03/11
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personality
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Hand turkeys, cookie cutters, and being you

Let’s do some time travel, all the way back to my US History class in 11th grade. Enter Mr. Dixon, the man who actually taught me a whole lot more about individuality than US History. With  his birkenstocks, tie dyed t-shirts, and passionate personality, my understanding of teaching and uniqueness was turned upside down. This was the teacher who jumped up on a desk to illustrate a point, used the Beatles to teach us about history, and was determined to shatter our stereotypical understanding of the new world. On the first day of class, he encouraged us to toss the idea that life in pioneer america was like the images dipicted in thanksgiving cartoons and in elementary school the day you make hand turkeys. He encouraged me to look at history differently, but he also taught me to embrace my quirks, and to live beyond the stereotype.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is Youer than You.” ~Dr. Seuss

It is too bad that we don’t usually take the advice and the example from the Mr. Dixons of our life. I still find myself thinking that I have to be this stereotypical person, to fit the mold, to be the hand turkey. Last week, a friend of mine and I had an excellent conversation on roles. As a culture, we can get so wrapped up in what we think is ideal and what we think we “should be” and we tend to forget about who we “are.” It is time that we start embracing who we are, not the cookie cutter versions of ourselves Although I have a long way to go, there are some ways I am breaking through the cookie cutter:

  • I am an INFP.  In a world where  those who can lead, direct, and take on conflict get more attention, I am the behind the scenes girl, encouraging, thinking, and bringing people together (and I am figuring out how to love it).
  • I am a youth ministry director, I am a woman, and I have a physical disability. I think that pretty much covers it.
  • I am thriving even though I am not were I wanted to be.
  • I chose not to focus on the things I cannot do, but the ways that I have ability in abundance.
  • AND I continue to be a work in progress, I don’t have it all together, and I am choosing to be okay with that.

Being outside of your cookie cutter is not normal, but neither was Mr. Dixon when he went up to receive the teacher of the year award in a tie dyed t-shirt, birkenstocks, and a blazer and for that, I am grateful.

How are you living uniquely outside of your “role”? Is there a “hand turkey” idea that is holding you back? Let’s talk about it.

2010
03/04
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life
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Thriving where you are planted, even if it is in your parent’s basement

Not every GenYer is out there with a great job accomplishing their dreams…some of us are back home, in our parent’s basement. I had those dreams, the same ones you had. The one where you would graduate with an incredibly general bachelor’s degree, get a fabulous job, and maybe consider graduate school, but only if you wanted to go. Or maybe you were like me, you had dreams of graduate school after college. I was going to get into that graduate school that I loved, in that program I loved and it was all going to work out marvelously.

Rose colored glasses off.

Here I am living back home with my parents in my hometown, the graduate school thing that I had so meticulously planned didn’t pan out, nor did the fabulous plan B of getting a great job with my B.A. in Psychology. It is the winter of 2010…I graduated in 2008 (did you hear that?! Two years ago!!) For two years I have been in the sickening cycle of job hunting, job hunting, job hunting, job hunting, interview, rejection letter, job hunting, job hunting…..I am not going to lie to you and say that it has been great, easy, or even okay…it hasn’t. But, I am learning to thrive where I have been planted.

How?

  • By giving back. After the realization sank in that the full time job wasn’t coming soon, I started volunteering. Whether it is answering the phone at Christian Ministries, helping someone with their resume at the Job Connection, or tutoring, I started getting involved. It is true, a lot of volunteer work is doing the things that the paid people don’t have time to do or don’t want to do, but it is very rewarding. Although I am not necessarily using the things I learned in my liberal arts education, I am serving  and doing. The really great thing about being back in your hometown and volunteering is that these are not just “people,” this is my community. These are the people that helped me become who I am. Whether it is helping the lady whose husband lost his job, can’t pay the rent, and is needing assistance  or typing the resume for the man who lost his job and his house after 25 years assembling pipe, I am slowly starting to understand that it is not about me  and it shouldn’t be.
  • By creating my own niche. To be quite honest I hated high school. I didn’t mind the work, but I never fit in. During my four years of college, I found myself, my friends, and my niche. I grew, we grew, together. I was terrified to be back home, I thought I would be miserable without my college family….and I was for a while. After realizing that the community I found during college wasn’t meant to be recreated, but cherished, I am starting to move on. Currently I am working on building relationships here, back home. What I am learning is that our community doesn’t have to look like us, act like us, or think like us. I am appreciating the diversity I am finding in my new friends. Whether it is age difference, educational difference, religious difference, etc. it is amazing to see what we can all learn from our differences. And then at some point you begin to realize maybe you are not that different at all.
  • By utilizing other strengths. The thing about life not going as planned is that you begin to see the outside world and yourself differently. When I graduated from college, I knew what I was good at and all my goals and dreams were wrapped up in what I knew I could do and do well. When those things didn’t work out, I had to start pulling things down from the top shelf that I knew I could do, but wasn’t all that great at doing. I had to take these things and make them strengths. I am understanding that it can be far more valuable to build weaknesses into strengths then always sticking with the easy stuff. Life outside of the box is so much bigger.
  • By spending quality time. During these last two years I have gotten to spend a lot of time with my family. For us, this is not a big deal, because we typically connect once weekly anyway. But I had no idea that I would get to spend my the last two years of my grandmother’s life, right across the street from her. I have seen service, love, patience, grief, growth, and faith played out first hand in the last two years. I am beginning to understand that nothing puts life in better prospective than death and the qualities, both good and bad that it brings out in people.
  • By adapting. Sometimes you cannot change your situation. In my case, I don’t think I needed to. I am right where I am supposed to be. Sometimes it is not the situation that needs to change, but it is your attitude about your situation that needs to change.

Are you thriving in an unexpected place? What have you learned?

2010
03/01
CATEGORY
life
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How we view disability…our response to Bob Marshall

This post been given many mental revisions, which is probably a good thing for Virginia Delegate Bob Marshall. From my research on INFPs and my own personal experience as an INFP, I understand that when an INFP’s morals or strong held beliefs are somehow violated, their disdain for confrontation can go by the wayside. The comments he made at a recent press conference about children and families with disabilities very much violated my beliefs on disability in its definition AND also in its spiritual contexts.

What I really want to do is approach him in my anger and frustration and set a few things straight (which would be the G rated version of what I would want to do).

After taking a few steps back, doing some deep breathing, and realizing the blessing it is to live in a family and a community where this is not typically the belief held about disability, I almost cannot be angry at him, I feel really sorry for Bob Marshall. The things he is missing out on by holding onto these beliefs are immense. I feel strongly that although these comments are hurtful, shameful, and downright ridiculous and it is really hard not to want to retaliate in anger, anger may not be the best option. Why not educate (or at least try)? As I said about responding to comments about disability before, I am trying to be better about this and not condemn, but educate. Truthfully, if I were to say something to Bob Marshall, it would most likely be in book form there would be so much, but I came up with this as a starting point:

The comments you made about disabilities, women who have abortions, families who have children with disabilities, and religious beliefs are despicable and without a single inkling of a doubt untrue. But, as much as you think we are, people with disabilities are not the victims; we are not victims of a vengeful God, nor do we serve as any type of punishment, and we are most certainly not a curse to our families.

Now, I want you (my blog readers) to help me finish it.

Whether you have a disability or just know someone with a disability, how do you view disability? Let’s use our anger to educate. What would you say to Bob Marshall, not to condemn him, but to educate him? What abilities do you have “in abundance”?  Comment away!

If I receive enough comments, I will e-mail or mail this to him.

2010
02/23
CATEGORY
disability
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First meetings, awkward comments, and cousin Bob

I am constantly amazed at how people communicate. As a person with visible disability, (I have Cerebral Palsy, use crutches and walk a little differently) I have always been interested in the first meeting that I have with someone who is not previously aware of my disability.

I am working on moving beyond the place of being upset by comments or reactions made about me or people with disabilities, because I think we react by what we know and by our experience. If people don’t react in a way that is pleasing to me, that doesn’t mean they are “rude” or “inconsiderate” people, they just view things a little differently. For 2010 I am working on trying to establish deeper connections with people, especially those whose comments about my ability that are misunderstood or even  offensive.  Building on that thought, there is a reaction that a lot of people have that I am particularly interested in.

The “I know someone who has _____too…” reaction.

I am reading Deborah Tannen’s book You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation and am very much fascinated by what I’m reading. Thanks to the awesomeness of Youtube, there are two videos about her research that you need to watch…like right now, before you read any more of this post. They can be found here and here (watch them in order).

Let’s start with the  ”I know someone who has _____too…” reaction. Most often, this is the first thing that will come out of someone’s mouth when they see me. They will say something like, “my cousin Bob uses crutches too” or  ”I went to school with a guy who had Cerebral Palsy.” This happens often and in my 20 something years, I have yet to understand why people say this type thing or  figure out how I am supposed to react to that comment. It is by no means a bad thing, I just find it a little peculiar and never know what to say. “My cousin Bob uses crutches too” do I say “Oh, good…?” “Small world…?” Right after a person tells me this I begin racking my brain for an appropriate response…truth is, all I ever come up with is awkward and I always find myself pondering why someone would start off a conversation with a comment like that.

And in comes Deborah Tannen. Why would people respond to me and tell me about their cousin Bob and his crutches? Duh…because they want to connect. Typically, women have a response like this and that only makes sense. How do women connect with other women? How do they grow in friendship? By finding common ground and similarity. A little light bulb went off above my head. Telling me about their cousin Bob is their way of finding similarity with me.

Like was stated before, this comment is not an innapropriate one, it is not offensive, but it sometimes tends to cut off conversation and make things a little awkward and it puts the focus on my disability. It would be my hope that our similarities do not rest on the fact that me and cousin Bob use crutches. There is much more to me (and to everyone else) than our assistive devices. If I want to move beyond disability and establish more connection with this person how do I do that?

I can acknowledge Bob and his crutches and me and my crutches (ie. make the disability known however is appropriate) and then build on other similarities to keep the connection and emphasize that I am not my disability.

Can you relate? Do you agree? Disagree? What other responses have you encountered? What fabulousness did you gather from Deborah Tannen?

2010
02/21
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Off with excuses! On with baby steps (at least)

I admire people who go after their dreams. I like hearing about it, reading about, and then dreaming that one day I will get to do that.  The problems is, there are people out there taking on the world and LIVING their dreams, but I am over here carefully imagining mine still sitting in the same old place doing the same old thing. There is something wrong here and that has finally begun to sink in.

One of the reasons why I love reading blogs is because I get a chance to see what others are doing and see how they are living their dreams. Many are moving (and I am talking BIG moves), selling what they have, going after that great job, or putting themselves out there by networking (and I am not talking about just updating Twitter).

I found a new blog this morning. I have enjoyed reading about a couple of Amber Rae‘s adventures and look forward to reading more. It was her blog post here, that got me thinking about what I need to be DOING and not just dreaming about.

Just like Amber Rae (and many others), I have many reasons built up as to why I cannot do A,B,C,D. Aren’t we good at coming up with excuses? Right now, I understand that the world is bigger than where I am right now, both locationally, educationally, culturally, mentally, etc. ect. ect. But, what I am coming to understand is that I will not ever reach my dreams if I don’t rise up and rise out of the rut that I am in.

One day I would like to move to a big city, experience people that have not known be since before I knew myself, expand my horizons, get more education………..

So this is what I have been thinking about today.

  • This may not be the right time to sell the my car, my cat, and my couch (wait, I don’t have a couch) to move to the big city (wherever that may be), but there are things I can DO right now that will help accomplish this dream in the future.

Right now, I need to find a practicum and internship site to do Vocational Rehabilitation really (really, really) badly. I don’t want the same ol’ thing internship (I am an idealist remember?), but I have let myself believe that the same old thing is all that is out there. I am letting my geographical location (basically a cow pasture) and lack of money, and fear get in my way.

 There is a fantastic Rehabilitation hospital about an hour away. Do I want to work there? OH yes. Have I come up with ten thousand excuses?  Pretty darn close. But today, In front of my 8 blog readers, I will call about the internship. Even though it is a fairly long commute, even though I hate the traffic, even though I don’t really know where the gas money will come from, did I mention the traffic?…I will call. I am going to take that step. Even if it is not NY or Chicago, it is a step in the right direction. In the words of  blogger Amber Rae, “when we do believe, our focus very quickly shifts from “what if” to “how.” be rid of the ifs. chase the hows.”

I believe, instead of thinking of how this would never work, I will focus on how I can get it to work, because I (and you) have ability in abundance.

 

What is your excuse? If you are not ready to take the BIG plunge, what small things are you doing right now to help you realize a bigger dream in the future?

2010
02/17
CATEGORY
Uncategorized
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FDR: A president that recognized his ability in abundance

I have a slight obsession with the 32nd president of the United States. The presidency of Franklin Delano Roosevelt has been an interest of mine for a long time, but it is not necessarily because of his politics or accomplishments in office (although they are great). I am far more fascinated with the way he dealt with his disability.

Receiving the Polio diagnosis in 1921 at the age of 39, he could have just sat down, he could have stopped, he could have given up, but he didn’t. He recognized his ability in abundance. How?

  • He kept going. He kept achieving. He kept trying. “When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”
  • He knew that he was only “disabled” if he let himself think that. “Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.”
  • He knew fear would get him nowhere. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
  • He had a support system (his wife Eleanor) that got it. “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’”
  • He advocated for people with polio, eventually founding the March of Dimes.  ”Nothing is closer to my heart than the health of our boys and girls and young men and young women.”
  • And maybe because he was also an idealist. “We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon.”

Who is someone you look up to in your own life? Why? Disability or not, how do they/you recognize your ability in abundance?

2010
02/16
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Abundance is my word.

Can a person claim a word as their own? I like to think so and I just did. Some people have a life motto, quote, song movie, scripture, etc., but I have a word.

Abundance.

Why you may ask?

I will tell you. It started during college. I was in that phase of trying to figure out my life, who I was, what I was, what I could give etc. During a meeting with my InterVarsity Christian Fellowship staffworker, the word abundance came up. I do not remember why. I do not remember the circumstances, but I remember the staffworker saying to me:

“I see you have been blessed abundantly and I think you should find a way to share that abundant blessing with others.”

Bingo. Lightening flashed. Light bulbs come on. Angels started signing the Hallelujah chorus. There was an Oprah “aha moment.”

Seriously. It felt that way. I don’t think I will ever forget it and just in case I was about to, I did a bible study on name meanings a few weeks later and found out that my middle name Elizabeth means “God is my abundance.” So this word has kind of become my thing and it just so happens to fit perfectly with my personality.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (find out what type you are here) tells me that I am and INFP. People who are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving tend to be the idealists, those among with that wear rose colored colored glasses, and who blast “Don’t Stop Believin’” because they are eternal optimists who believe that life is a wonderful and exciting gift and that everything will work out in the end.

How does my overly optimistic idealist self deal and live with a disability that in a lot of cases is not all that ideal? That is what I would like to know and will write about in the coming weeks.

Do you have a motto, song, quote, word etc. for your life? How does it relate to your personality? If you are an idealist with a disability, what kind of insights or issues do you face?

2010
02/12
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